Stay in hell

          I woke up this morning...Thank God. I woke up though with so many emotions..I am angry & scared.  I am shaken and feel hopeless once again.  I can't stop these tears from flowing down my face and I can't stop my heart from hurting. I woke up wanting to throw in the towel and just run away.
          Those same thoughts that used to run through my head on a daily basis crept back in. The ones that tell me to quit dreaming. That tell me my family will never do any better. We will always be the same and to just accept you will be another statistic. Those thoughts that scream at me to give up...and make me question why I ever thought I was any different than any other person who became a teenage mom.  Who married that teenage boy and who have pushed through hell and back.  Statistics show they won't make it...statistics show that alcoholics and drug addicts will relapse. They will never make it.  So quit dreaming..quit hoping...quit fighting this battle you are tired if fighting.
             So I sit here on my porch and cry. I hate this..I'm not a crier. I want to be strong all the time..in all aspects of my life. But I feel like I am breaking into a million little pieces.
              I know this is the devil talking to me...making me believe these things that I have tried so hard to forget. He is trying to convince me to give up.  I don't need to hear from him. He needs to stay in hell and out of my mind. I need so desperately to hear from God...